My Life with BPD and Living in a Constant Suicidal State
It took me going through the absolute darkest time in my life to finally open up and have an extreme, bluntly honest discussion with my dad about why I no longer wanted to exist and why I felt like it was the most compassionate and loving thing I could do to save the people I loved the most from continuing to suffer because of me. That was in the fall of 2021. As someone who has lived with mental illness, constant feelings of loneliness (even when surround by friends or family, sometimes makes it worse), melancholy (because it's not just feeling sad, but being confused because there never seems to be a real/obvious reason) and a constant, gut wrenching feeling that because of these things, I am making the people who love me miserable, annoyed and angry because I can't just "snap out of it" already. For over 20 years, I struggled with the fact that I have very extreme emotions that, whether good or bad, tend to become practically unbearable and most of the time, I c...